Please stop saying this shelter in place is “like being a stay at home mom.” Because it’s not.
It’s not at all.
I’ve been a stay at home mom (working part time) for several years now, and no, the shelter in place reminds me nothing of being a stay at home. And in my opinion, to say so is pretty degrading. I’ve often seen it said in a manner that is kind of like a “Ha ha, you can’t escape now!” mantra to dads everywhere that are now being forced to stay home or work at home with their kids.
Saying a shelter in place “is like being a stay at home mom” is like saying women whose husbands go out of town on a business trip are now “like a single parent.” That one also made my stomach churn.
What is being a stay at home mom like for me? It’s full of play dates with friends. It’s full of library story times. It’s full of running errands and moseying around Target for hours. It means spending my days in peace and quiet in the house when I want to – creating special bonding moments that only my toddler and I share while his brother is at school, his dad is at work, and his grandparents are at their jobs in different cities. It’s full of backyard shenanigans, walking around our neighborhood, exploring new parks, and driving out to meet my parents for the day. We have weekly Gymboree classes and biweekly church meetups. We spend hours reading books, running around the house laughing, enjoying meals together, and resting when we need it. The highlights of our days include picking up big brother from school in the afternoon, anxiously awaiting Daddy to arrive home in the evenings, and several weeknights spent at baseball practices.
Does that sound remotely like what we are dealing with right now? I didn’t think so.
See, just because I’m a “stay at home mom” doesn’t mean I literally stay at home. In fact, I spend more time outside of the house than inside. We are social butterflies and get cabin fever when cooped up inside for too long. We crave friendships and relationships. We crave adventure and newness.
The shelter in place, which has been in place for over a month now in California, has meant relinquishing most of our freedoms. For one, we can no longer run errands or browse around stores or the mall. We’ve been sending out one family member at a time to do shopping hauls that are meant to last 2 weeks or more. Our libraries, movie theaters, activity centers, public parks, and churches are all closed. Big brother is home from school. Daddy is working from home. The grandparents are around, working or helping care for other family members. We are told we are not even supposed to venture too far from our immediate neighborhood. Even our quick walks around the block are becoming increasingly nerve wracking. We no longer have any personal space, ever.
Although we have everything we need, and more, I have noticed my toddler become increasingly agitated and emotional over the last week. I think it’s finally setting in that this is his “new normal.” In a way, we are both mourning the loss of our blissful days together.
We’re now spending our days trying to both entertain ourselves while homeschooling big brother at the same time. We’re now eating lunch with big brother, and enjoying having Daddy at home all day. We miss my parents/their grandparents terribly. We savor every brief FaceTime or Zoom call with family, friends, or classmates. We have spent hours trying new recipes and indoor activity ideas we’ve found online. We try desperately to keep in touch with our loved ones, pray over our elderly relatives, and hold each other closer as each day passes by.
It’s ironic, although I love being a stay at home mom, the last thing I want to do right now is stay at home.
